Why we broke up and how I am going to fix everything.

Dear ***,

I think what is driving me to write this to you is a mix of remorse and also relief.

I know, it is a strange mix of feelings; but I hope that this will help you understand

the story behind the difficult choice we had to make.

Do you remember the first time I met you? I was so nervous, I could hardly speak.

You on the other hand didn’t seem very interested. All our friends thought it was cute

that I was so shy, since it is I who am usually the talker amongst us.

I suppose they thought that I was silent because I was so overwhelmed by your presence.

But that was only half true, as the presence I was overwhelmed by was not yours.

It was difficult every other time we met. I remember you telling me later that I kept

looking down so many times when you asked me something and answering back in a quiet voice.

While I do agree that you are amazingly beautiful, the truth is that I could not bare to

look up at your face, and inevitably see what lurked behind you.

I am surprised you never saw it. It was especially visible on the day I painstakingly asked

you out for a date and even on our first date itself. I remember you asking me why I was so

shy about it and me mumbling something back at you.

Do you even know what I am talking about?

It was so strongly present on the day we first kissed, I kept my eyes closed tight. I could

barely focus on what was happening at the time, but I was so aware of the thing behind you.

Yes, it was right there whenever we met throughout the year, whenever I took you out for

dinner or to the park. It was even there when I stayed over at your place all those times.

Never did it make any sound or touch anything around it, yet it hovered eternally behind you,

blank and expressionless. I guess now you know why I seemed so distracted all the time.

Eventually you got sick of me for being so distracted I guess, and for that I will never blame you.

But I still didn’t understand how you never saw it, especially on the day we painfully broke up.

Through my silent tears I could see it behind your sobbing form.

How I wish I could have told you everything back then; but you would have never understood.

How could you? You never saw it for yourself.

The truth is that I cannot live without you, I miss you so much. Yet I cannot be with you,

because I am too afraid. I loved every part of you, except for that featureless form floating

soundlessly behind you. I wish you could see it as clearly as I could. Maybe then you would understand.

I did some thinking about the whole thing and finally I made a decision. I will kill this

thing so that we can finally be together. You should see my new silver knife, it is absolutely

beautiful. Anyway, I have to do this while you are not looking at me, and that would be a tough

thing to do. So I hatched a plan.

I made some spare keys of your house while I was there. It was necessary you see. I should also

admit that I know your schedule very well, especially the times in which you read your email.

I know you can’t hear anything since you always listen to music while you read your email.

I always told you it wasn’t safe.

Well what I am trying to tell you is that, while you were reading this email, I have already

let myself in. Just keep reading and listening to your music.

And please don’t look behind you just yet.




~ by Prageeth Thoradeniya on April 23, 2011.

2 Responses to “Why we broke up and how I am going to fix everything.”


  2. This is fabulous!

    your real present/future girl friend too would feel bit nervous while reading emails from now on… 🙂

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