Qualifications of a Sinhala Buddhist

After the whole “Akon in Sri Lanka” fiasco that happened a few months ago, and considering all the conversations I’ve had with fellow Sinhala Buddhists, I believe I have finally figured out how to properly define a Sinhala Buddhist and I am quite ashamed to say that I do not have many of the qualifications needed to call myself a Sinhala Buddhist and therefore I suppose I fall into the “Kalu Suddha” or “Colombo Elite Pandithaya” category. In any case, for the reference of both myself and that of others, let me present to you my discoveries so far: The Qualifications of a Sinhala Buddhist.

Gratitude : You must be grateful that you are born in Sri Lanka to a Sinhala Buddhist family because this is the most awesome thing that can happen to anyone (apparently). This is because you’ve done a lo t of good things in your past lives and therefore you now have the opportunity to study “pure Buddhism” and achieve Nibbana faster than the rest of the world. Take that, you foreign-people-who-are-doomed-to-run-around-Samsara-forever! (Note: Being collectively labeled as idiots and hypocrites for the “patriotic” things your kin do as well as difficulty of obtaining tourist visas to other countries must be ignored.)

Tolerance : You must be tolerant towards other races and religions, although your religion and race are like the most awesome and most advanced ever. While it is hard to live among a bunch of idiots who believe in impossible things and are far inferior to you, you must always remember how superior you are compared to them, because Sinhala Buddhism is the absolute truth and no one can challenge it. No one has the authority to challenge it either (how to deal with these people is explained in a later section).
Yes it is said in the Kalama Sutta that you should always question the teachings you receive, even if it’s passed on from your elders or taught by a famous teacher. However, this applies only to teachings that are not connected to Buddhism, because Buddhism is the unquestionable absolute truth.

Compassion: Sorry, but compassion is for the weak. If you’re a Sinhala Buddhist, you need to be strong and forget the mushy stuff. “KILL THE OFFENDERS!!! GRRRR!!!! (Lion roar)”
However, it’s good to give some alms once in awhile and make a big deal out of it because you get to show off to people how generous you are and how much more pious you are too.

Loving-Kindness: Sorry, again this is for the weak-minded who are too weak to act aggressively to the situation. This is just another impractical part of Buddhism which the “Colombo Elite Pandithayas” and the “Buddhist Suddhas” follow, and has nothing to do with Sinhala Buddhism. As a true Sinhala Buddhist, you are supposed to respond to all situations with a whole lot of HATE and violence (stones are always the best answer because they’re cheap and abundant on our roads). Any suggestion of this Loving-Kindness bullshit must be shoved off. “BLOOD!!!! WE NEED BLOOD!!!! (Lion roar)”

Sraddha: You must believe that Buddhism is the ultimate truth. Because it is. No questions. Also, you must acknowledge that the whole world hates Sinhala Buddhists and wants to destroy Buddhism as well as the Sinhala people. There’s a huge conspiracy going on about this internationally and even America and the United Nations are involved because they don’t like us very much (because we are superior to them). Not only internationally, but this conspiracy is also aided by the Tamils, the Muslims and the Burghers too. Because see they are generally so much richer than Sinhala Buddhists and have a lot of influence and stuff. Seems like they are scared of our superiority too. They don’t want us to develop, so they hinder all chances for us to develop. We can’t develop this country because of these foreign and non-Sinhala elements, which if did not exist would surely mean that Sri Lanka would be like the most richest developed nation on earth, complete with huge buildings, subways, metros, canals and helicopters flying around and stuff. Bullshit you say? THEN YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER MISSIONARY-CONSPIRATOR!!! YOU ARE SUPPORING THE CONSPIRACY AGAINST US!!! YOU ARE SUPPORTING THE ERADICATION OF BUDDHISM!!!!! (aims stones to head).

Kalyana Mitras : Associating good friends is very important for Sinhala Buddhists. Generally this means that every Sinhala Buddhist has to stick to one political party and completely support them because they are the only party that cares about us and will prevent our impending extermination. What? You’re on a different party? TRAITOR!!!!! DESHA DROHIYA!!!! KALU SUDDHA!!!! GRRR!!!! (stones, grenades, hockey sticks, knives, criminal charges etc).

Harmony : What harmony? We OWN this country baby. Everyone else is our bitch. (Lion roar)

Morality : We have morals. Yes we do. Buddhism teaches us a lot of morals and things we should do in order to become more pure, and this is irrefutable because Buddhism is the absolute truth. But since we Sinhala Buddhists are already perfect, we don’t really have to follow them. They’re impractical you see. The people who follow them are generally those “Colombo Elite Pandithayas” or “Buddhist Suddhas” who don’t really live real lives but fake lives because they’re so rich and they have absolutely no personal problems whatsoever. We being the more practical people focus more on preserving the teachings of Buddha instead of actually following them.

Well I suppose there are many other qualifications that I overlooked and have not come across yet, but I am sure that you can think of some. So let me know, and I can help the great cause of Sinhala Buddhism by putting it up here. HAIL SINHALA BUDDHISM!!!! ROAR LIKE THE LIONS!!!!


~ by Prageeth Thoradeniya on September 21, 2010.

17 Responses to “Qualifications of a Sinhala Buddhist”

  1. Not everyone ithing… 🙂 but some truth in what you’ve said actually.

  2. “Harmony : What harmony? We OWN this country baby. Everyone else is our bitch. (Lion roar)”

    LMAO!! So true.

  3. hockey sticks? I’d say cricket bats. rather..

  4. *cringe*

  5. Hilarious.
    ‘We being the more practical people focus more on preserving the teachings of Buddha instead of actually following them.’
    Sad but true!
    This is because WE are the CHOSEN race with our superior genes, Never mind that our celebrated ancestress was wanton enough to ‘do it’ (oh no we don’t say that word in public) with a Lion – and their offspring actually did it with each other.

  6. Just being “patriotic” here. 🙂

  7. Translate this into Sinhala and publish this in the papers! Definite eye-opener, and really rings true. It’s sad how we abuse such an amazing philosophy.

  8. quoted from http://www.secularsrilanka.com/discussions/ritigala-jayasena/outcasts-of-sinhala-buddhist-cla

    “මට මේ වගෙ දෙයක් හිතෙනව. අපි වගෙ “වෙන්ට පොෂ්” බෞද්ධයන්ට තියන ප්‍රශ්නෙ තමයි, අපි බුදු වදන් ඕනවට වඩ සිරා ගැනීම. “වෛරයෙන් වෛරය නොසන්සිඳේ” කියන එක නිකන් බුදුහාමුදුරුවො කට කහනවට කියපු දෙයක් මිසක් අම්බානක සිරා ගන්න ඔනේ එකක් නෙමේ කියල සාමාන්‍ය බෞද්ධයා දන්නව. නමුත් පොෂ් බෞද්ධයා හිතනව ඔකේ ඊට වඩා ගැඹුරු තේරුමක් තියනව කියල

    ගෝත්‍ර වාදය, ගෝත්‍ර වාදයෙන් සන්සිඳෙන්නෙ නැහැ කියල අපි හිතන්නෙත් ඔය කියන “පොෂ්” භාවය නිසාම වෙන්න ඔනේ. රටට අතිමහත් හානි ගෙනදුන්න දෙමල ගෝත්‍ර වාදයත්, අනාගතයේ හානි ගෙනදියහැකි පිලිලයක් වන මුස්ලිම් ගෝත්‍ර වාදයත් සාධරනීකරනය වෙන, ඒ ඒ ගෝත්‍ර වලට වෙනවෙනම දේශපාලන පක්ෂ විතරක් නෙමෙයි, වෙනවෙන නීති පවා තියන (ෂරියා, තෙසවලමෙ ) ක්‍රමයකට අලගු තියන සිංහල-බෞද්ධ නාමධාරී දේශපාලන බෝඩ් ලෑලිවලට අපි විරුද්ධ ඒ නිසයි.

    ඒ වගේම “නජත්තා වසලො හොති” කියන කියමන ඔනවට වඩා සිරා ගන්න නිසා අපිට හිතෙනව, ගෝත්‍ර මූලයෙ සමානකමට වඩා සිතුවිලි සහ ක්‍රියාවෙ සමානකම් වලින් අපිට අපේ මිතුරන් සොයා ගන්න පුලුවන් කියල. ඒ වගෙ මිතුරන් හා අපි අතර දුරස් බව අඩු කිරීමට දායකවන, අත්හැරිය හැකි වෙනස්කම් තියෙනවනම් එවා අතහරින්න අපි සූදානම්.

    අනිත් ප්‍රශ්නෙ තමයි අපි “අතහැරීම” කියන සංකල්පෙත් ඔනවට වඩා සිරා ගැනීම. බුදු දහම දෙසන තැනකදි මම ඇහෙයි කියල බලපොරොත්තු වෙන්නෙ “අතහැරීම” සම්බන්ද සංකල්ප. නමුත් බනක් අහනකොට වැඩිපුර ඇහෙන්නෙ අරක බදාගන්න, මේක බදාගන්න (රට, ජාතිය, ආගම, ගෝත්‍රය ) කියන එක. අපේ හාමුදුරුවරුන් අතිනුත් වැඩිපුර කියවෙන්නෙත් “අනේ අපිට වලඳන්න උදේ දවල් දානයත්, වඩින්න යානවාහනත් ලබාදෙන මේ සිස්ටම් එක ආරක්ෂා කරල දෙන්න” කියන ඉල්ලීම තමයි. “අතහැරීම” කියන්නෙ ඉස්සරකාලෙ වනවාසී පැවිද්දන් ආතල් ගත්ත සංකල්පයක් මිස, අදකාලෙ ගිහියන්ට තියා පැවිද්දන්වත් සීරියස් ගන්න ඔනෙ සංකල්පයක් නොවන බව සාමන්‍ය බෞද්ධයා දන්නව. “පොෂ්” බෞද්ධයා, බදා අල්ලා ගැනීමෙ ආශාවත්, අත්හැරීමේ සංකල්පයත් අතර අතරමංවෙලා.

    ඔන්න “පොෂ්” බෞද්ධයෙක් උනහම වෙන දේවල්”

  9. බලාගෙන යද්දි මමත් වෙන්ට පොෂ් බෞද්ධයෙක්! ඒත් එහෙම ඉඳලා හරි යන්නේ නැහනෙ?

  10. Although I was laughing my heart out when I read this it also made me sad cos all this is true and it seems as if its gonna get worse. Hopefuly there will be some one who can chage everything around and bring things to the way the should be.

  11. @Raven

    you said //Hopefuly there will be some one who can chage everything around and bring things to the way the should be.//

    Well, I think we should rather do our own bit. Each one of us is a ‘change agent’ who can contribute in our own way, so that larger changes emerge from the simple actions of individuals. To think of grand schemes and mega personalities is rather outdated notion, don’t you think?

  12. The harmony bit was just priceless. I’m glad so many ppl admit that this is the general mindset of such ppl, it shows that at least we’re aware of the issue.

  13. Lanka business today…

    […]Qualifications of a Sinhala Buddhist « MindWind[…]…

  14. natural remedies for anxiety, natural remedy for anxiety…

    […]Qualifications of a Sinhala Buddhist « MindWind[…]…

  15. Hats off to you mate!!! True words!!

  16. Cricket Board…

    […]Qualifications of a Sinhala Buddhist « MindWind[…]…

  17. thuoc giam can hieu qua nhat…

    […]Qualifications of a Sinhala Buddhist « MindWind[…]…

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