Just Beyond

There is this wall that I constantly find myself pushed up against, often by the force of me running towards it, trying to break it so that I may burst through its confines to the other side where I believe that liberation and victory lie. But this wall seems to be indestructible; an eternally solid mass that seems to be constantly barring the way on the path that I tell myself to travel in.

At times I wondered if this was not me, but someone else trying to stop me from achieving my full potential. Yet when I fling my arms around me, all I grab is empty space; for there is no one there but me. But sometimes something vague hints its existence from beyond the veil of that which we call reality.

I do not know if this is real or it is a mere figment of my imagination. Perhaps it is a bit of both, a torn part of my own psyche that decides to haunt me in my sleep and torment me when I am awake. Shapeless, it lingers in the shadows just beyond what I can see, darting back and forth in the corners of my sight; especially when I am reading alone in the night.

Sometimes on the polished surfaces of glass and plastic before me, I see it behind me, standing there, just beyond everything else, but seemingly within my reach. I shudder, for even now I see it behind me, the vague shape of the nameless thing that haunts my waking life.

But now, it has been here for years and so many of such years have passed me. Perhaps the shudder when I see it is merely a shudder, for it is then overcome by a sense of frustration. Why can I not see what it is, and put and end to these mysteries in my life?

Perhaps it is the way things are; for me to remain here confused as life passes me like a gust of wind from the eastern shore to the west of the small island I live in. Perhaps it will forever remain just beyond the horizon of my senses, lurking there and watching me as I live my life. Perhaps I will one day conquer my fears and shatter this wall that separates us.

Perhaps, it may shatter the wall for me.


~ by Prageeth Thoradeniya on March 5, 2010.

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