Prageeth’s Pen Adventure! (or Konfessions of a Kleptomaniac)

Note: This note was written on the 8th of January, 2009

Pens. You’d think they were a common item in a modern office. You’d think they’d be lying around on everyone’s desks. You’d think that you could just find them lying around, unsupervised, unused; ready to be taken by anyone who needed it dearly. I thought so too, until today.

Today was yet another day in my life. I would not call it normal. I would call it mildly depressing. Why? Because I couldn’t really sleep the night before. I did sleep for about six hours I’m sure, but somehow I felt as tired as I was the previous day when I woke up this morning. Sleep never seems to satisfy me. I long for feeling as fresh as my peers do in the morning. I hate seeing them so cheery sometimes. Jealousy I’m sure. But I dislike them vehemently, as I see them engaging in happy conversation smiling away… gloating of their obvious luxury of restful sleep. How I envy them.

But today is not about sleep. Today is about pens. Let me tell you about it.

Due to my stressful condition in the morning, I felt disoriented and angry at the slightest of things. I concluded that this was largely due to the overwhelming number of tasks I had to accomplish during the day, which kept escaping the disorganized chaos of my mind. Hence, I decided to make a small task list (I am famous for my task lists… ask anyone from MY company) in order to solve this little issue.

Normally I prepare all my task lists on my computer on a simple txt file. But today, I was obligated to hang around a friends’ computer since I had to work with him on a small feature of a project I am assigned to. Therefore, the logical choice was to write it down on my office notebook, where I avoid scribbling and poetry in order to appear more “normalized” to office staff (does wonders to your appraisals when they see grotesque sketches on your notebooks).

But alas, I noticed that my pen was missing, which was rather odd since I could almost remember that I had placed it safely in my drawer. Searching for my pen was futile, so I thought of borrowing one from a friend.

But then, an urge swept through me. I wanted to STEAL A PEN. I know it is ridiculous for me to steal things at my age (especially pens), but I suppose this was a resurrection of an old habit. I used to steal things from my classmates and return it to them in stealth by the end of the day back at school. It was one of the many ways I used to entertain myself back then. Ah what a pathetic life I used to live.

Returning to the present, or rather the immediate past, I began scanning the area for a vulnerable pen that was not under the watchful eye of an owner. It surprised me that no one seemed to have pens lying out in the open around me, which was a strange thing since this was supposed to be an office where people routinely signed things. But then again this was also a software company… I suppose computers had finally killed the necessity for pens.

My friend Shariq sat next to me placidly staring at his screen, reading some Flex thing to help him with whatever Flex thing he was working on. I stood up from my seat and hovered over his desk searching for a possible “victim”. To my disappointment he had only a clip of a pen and not the pen itself. It was impossible at that time and angle to steal the clip from him without him noticing so I politely asked him if this clip was his, to which he answered that it was not and that there was no pen attached to it. This mildly surprised me as I had not inquired him of a pen, but it is the pen rather than the clip that I needed.

Since it was not his, I casually picked it up and walked away from him. I saw the reflection of his puzzled stare at me on the glass door that was next to my seat. I walked off towards the friend I am working with, scanning for pens on the way.

There was absolutely no pen to be found in anyone’s desks. When I did find a pen, it was casually tucked into a desktop organizer, which was in the visual range of its owner. This made them impossible to be stolen. A distraction would have done the trick, on hindsight. Perhaps I was too rusty to attempt such a thing and succeed with smoothness. Ah how low confidence hinders things!

I went towards the desks on the corners of the office. They were piled with fully functional keyboards and mice, each one of them so much more expensive than my objective. But no where was a pen to be found. Pens were extinct here.

Then I saw it: a vacant desk, whose occupant had obviously gone out for lunch or some other endeavor, consisting of a singular laptop, a disassembled clip (with the lid and the little plastic clip on thing taken apart), and a PEN. My heart beat faster as I circled the area, watchful of neighboring programmers who would spot my crime. This was it! The Pen I had been looking for… But there was a clip. An offensive little clip. So this pen already had a clip! But perhaps my clip can replace it, so that the penless clip maybe finally happy that it was not penless anymore.

But I would take this other clip regardless and see if I could put it back together again. After all a broken clip would deserve to be whole again and should be treated differently to unbroken clips just because they were so. Discrimination was always something I sneered at.

With a racing heart and salivating mouth, I swooped down upon my prey.

To be continued….

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~ by Prageeth Thoradeniya on February 25, 2009.

2 Responses to “Prageeth’s Pen Adventure! (or Konfessions of a Kleptomaniac)”

  1. Tee hee… u said a broken clip SHOULD be treated differently.. CONTRADICTION! sir…
    adoh meh… I was such a strange child… I NEVER stole things… people used to eat my food though.. in grade 3! :S

  2. First blog I read after wakeup from sleep today!

    —————————-
    Are you tension? panic?

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