Just a bunch of stuff

There is nothing in my head when I write this save for the usual whirlwind of thoughts that form random patterns through the chaos so that you may see what you may call intelligence. I don’t really care what I am about to type in the next few sentences. Consider this letting off steam since I am so overworked these days and pressure is a new concept to me. I will not lie to you, I am a slacker. I don’t work. I don’t like work. Hard work is a taboo for me, much to my mothers’ displeasure. But I’m being honest. I could always pretend to say “laadidaadidaaa… I love working hard!” but I won’t. Sometimes I do love working hard, but it gets a little old after awhile. However, the nature of my current employment allows me to tackle a wide variety of problems that have to be solved logically, even if it means diving into the deep end of the class-heirarchy. If you don’t know what classes I’m talking about, please refer to object oriented programming.

So I was just chilling out yesterday, when I realised that I wasn’t really chilling out, but listening to music. I spent two hours watching Deus Ex Machina on youtube while I should have been sleeping. Yes I needed my sleep. But my desire kept me awake. Now I feel like excrement.

So then I asked myself “omgs prageeth wtf lol?” and then firmly told myself that I should fight these desires to stay up and resume my sleep schedule. I need my sleep. I go crazy without my sleep. And I also need at least one hour per day totally devoted to me, where I freely muse over things without any distraction. This is how I relax. This is how I relieve my stress. But do I get it? NOOOoooo. I could just blame the world outside and say “omfgs this world sux0rz lolololololololol” and place further blame on my hectic work schedule… but I realised that I am to blame. I have free time, it’s just that I don’t spend it properly. I also realised that I should prioritize what I do during this free time, since sanity is more important than entertainment. Alas, I have also discovered Ghost In the Shell on youtube… something that seduces me to stay up at night (youtube streams faster at night). Again of course, it is my problem to deal with these things.

Why am I putting this up? I thought it would be nice for everyone since some of you have been wondering how I am, what I have been doing and what I am up to etc etc etc. So putting this little ramble up is a good thing, believe it or not.

I have been questioning myself lately, to know who I am and what I like. The answers are inconclusive as I seem to like different things at different times. I also do not seem to have a static personality that I can call “ME”. Can I call the bad-mood-guy, me? Or shall I call the hyper-guy, me? Or is it the thinking-guy? I do not know. The quest for identity goes on. I accept that everyone is diverse. But I noticed that most people I see have static personalities. But the deeper I get to know them, the more dynamic they are. This supports the theory of change. So can we conclude that static people do not exist?

Then there are the cheeseburgers. I like cheeseburgers from McDonalds. I know it is not healthy and it will kill me eventually. But I like it. Sometimes (especially late at night or early in the morning) I crave cheeseburgers. ICH WILL!! ICH WILL!!! And I admit that somedays, I rush over to Mc D’s late at night to get a cheeseburger. Does one deny himself his cravings? Why should I? I’m not a monk.

I’ve not had lunch with anyone at office for a very long time, hence have not “bonded” with most of the crowd. This is because I get lunch at home, which is a short walk from office. Perhaps I shall become a social outcast again? Is this my fate? :O

And then there are people who annoy me. A lot of people have been annoying me over MSN, Google and Facebook. Especially facebook. I have told this before and I shall tell this again: I absolutely detest facebook chat. It’s annoying, incoherent, unstable, ugly and just plain gay. Really. (I do not wish to offend any of you who may be homosexual, but “gay” is a term that is synonymous with “boring/hopeless” in my day-to-day use).

Life however, is not boring. It’s just that it gets a little frustrating at times when I don’t have enough quality time to spend on myself, doing the things I used to do before I started working. I do play counterstrike at times. But nothing relaxes me more than a good hour of meditation. Ah that is so awesome. Just thinking about it makes me feel happier.

Thing about approaching the ultimate truth is, you never look at things the same way after you’ve seen it. Everything appears in a different light as your paradigm shifts. The things that you thought are important don’t seem to be important. What you hated doesn’t seem to be hateworthy. Where you’re going may not be where you’re really going. It is a strange yet simple thing, the truth.

I shall stop now, before everyone collectively brands me as insane.

Thank you for reading. 🙂

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~ by Prageeth Thoradeniya on September 9, 2008.

3 Responses to “Just a bunch of stuff”

  1. mm… thank you for writing

  2. “I shall stop now, before everyone collectively brands me as insane.”

    I was under the impression that would have happened ages ago.. 😆 But I must agree, youtube is very addictive after 11-12 @ night

    Simply said, only change is static

  3. You are insane. We are MINDWIND.

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