So Blissful

The softest breeze

Blowing through the trees

Onto my body, cooling me

So blissful

The afternoon light

Almost crimson, almost amber

Making my world glow

So blissful

Living here

Free from the past

Free from the future

So blissful

Convince me

Convince me what I am doing is wrong

For as far as I can see it is right

Although I know I violate you

I must know darkness to fully know light, so

Convince me if you can

So that my actions may cease

But until you do I will walk this path

Perhaps back to the light which you showed me

Convince me if you think I am wrong

For I am disappointed in you and me

I wish I took this path before

I would have known more and worried less

Convince me, I ask of you

I just want to see you try

So that I may defy you

And make you cry

This is my half

So this is my half. You can write yours. Enjoy!

————————————-

Hey how are you doing?

Yeah it’s been a long time huh! Wow you look great!

Really? I’m glad you did that.

Of course not. But it’s always nice to improve.

I didn’t mean it that way.

Nevermind.

Not really I haven’t seen them for a very long time.

When was that?

Are you sure?

No way! What happened to the others?

Oh that’s kinda sad huh.

Yeah I bought one for myself. Didn’t you have one a long time ago?

That’s true though!

Possibly. But I can’t really say. I have some ideas though.

Yeah let’s see how it goes. Anyway it’s kinda late, so I gotta get going. Let’s meet up later?

Okay see ya!

Sandcastles

We’re all building Sandcastles

In the beach of the Sea of Life

Some may be prettier than yours

Some may be bigger

Some may have more turrets and walls

Some may be simpler and smaller

Some may be circular

Some may have sharp corners

Some may be stronger

Some may be weaker

But from time to time

There will always be waves

That will bring it all down

And all you have left

Is a pile damp sand

To make a new Sandcastle

Portals

I used to have a big crush on this guy, but he had always been a bit of an asshole so I never actually dated him. But that was back in high school.

He now sat opposite to me, in the crowded cafe and sipped slowly on his coffee. His face should have been younger according to the age he was supposed to be. But it was not so. It was somehow older, more worn and faded than it should have been.

“Tell me,” he said softly, while staring at his coffee “what do you know about portals?”

He looked into my eyes with a piercing stare that I had not anticipated.

“You mean, like… doorways to another dimension?” was my awkward answer.

He held his gaze and did not smile. It was nigh impossible to comprehend his emotions at this point; all I could tell was that he was keen to know my opinions.

“Doors, windows, gates..” he spoke, with the same unfathomable stare “Call them what you like. What do you think about it?”

I gulped involentarily. This was supposed to be a friendly meet up after a very long period of little or no interaction between us. Yet, I felt like I was being interrogated.

“I… I guess it’s possible… I mean they’re talking about wormholes and stuff right? How they can maybe go from a place to place through those things? Teleporting and stuff right?”

He didn’t speak for sometime; but he slowly leaned back on his chair and turned his eyes towards his cooling coffee. The silence persisted for a longer time than I could bear.

“You’re seeing me after three years and you’re asking me about portals?”

He laughed softly and took another sip of his coffee.

“You dumb bitch.” he said dismissively “You have no idea do you?”

I was too confused to be offended.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” my voice was shaky. Guilt?

“You were always such a stupid cunt you know…. but I don’t blame you. You’re too preoccupied with your bullshit ideologies and celebrity gossip to give a fuck.” Did he sound affectionate?

“You’re confusing me! Just like you did in highschool! Seriously if you weren’t such an asshole I would have even dated you…”

I should have told him that six years ago; it would have mattered then. Now, he just laughed at me.

“You always were a stupid little bitch. But you’ve got a nice rack I’ll tell you that.” he winked.

Now he was starting to piss me off.

“Look, I don’t know if this is your way of picking up women, but seriously what the fuck?? I thought we’re still friends!”

“I thought you aren’t friends with assholes.” he smirked. What a cocky bastard.

“I said don’t date assholes… Honestly now I’m questioning our fucking friendship!” I’m certain people in the cafe were staring at me now.

“Anyway, let’s back to the main topic for today: Portals.”

That was it.

“Fuck you!” I screamed. The people in the cafe were watching me now. I could feel them staring at me and I knew they all had their mouths open. “Fuck you and your fucking portals!!!”

I got up, grabbed my handbag and headed straight at the door. He was laughing at me now. His laughter was not the laughter I knew from his younger days. This was a more menacing, hideous and insane laughter of that teenaged boy I once knew and had a crush on.

As I walked out the door of the cafe, his laughter faded away, and so did the rest of the sounds. My anger was enveloping me like fire.

And then I realized that I was not where I was a second ago. The landscape had changed again. The buildings had faded away and were replaced by a small group of cottages surrounded by flowers and wild plants. Little children played in the countryside.

There was a small park bench upon which I spotted an old friend of mine. He was a guy I knew from high school, who I used to have a crush on. I don’t think I’ve seen him in over three years. It was odd that he looked a bit older than he should be. I think I could even see a gray hair or two on his head. He looked right at me and I knew he recognized me right away; yet it was hard to say that too, because he expression was nearly unreadable. But I am sure he recognized me.

So, I went over to him , smiled and said hello. He gave me a pretentious smirk.

He had always been a bit of an asshole.

Waiting for her call

Three thirty in the afternoon. She still had not called.

I was waiting since morning, possibly since the time I was fully awake on my bed for her call. Perhaps it was foolish for me to assume that she will call me, but nevertheless I waited. You could say that I did not even have my breakfast nor lunch. Those two did not seem to be as important as her call.

Seconds tick by. The noisy clock on my wall announces each of them as they pass away. How many moments does a second contain? I ponder at this.

Each second feels like a thousand moments. Perhaps even longer if I really focused. The second-hand ticked slower and slower.

She still has not called me. I look at my telephone in anticipation as I had done innumerable times today.

Perhaps she has forgotten me; or the significance of this day. Or was this some sort of a revenge stunt, based on something I did a long time ago? Surely whatever I did was unintentional. I took great pains to avoid upsetting her back then.

Perhaps she has truly forgotten. I guess I never really mattered to her in the first place.

Or maybe she is ignoring me on purpose, to show that she has forgotten only because she has not. Perhaps she cannot forget and is trying to do so, while trying to show me that this does not matter to her, just to appear strong? In this case, I suppose she does care somewhere deep down inside herself.

The seconds tick by, but they sound like thumping elephants. The second-hand ticks slower and slower. Years seem to pass between those ticks. I feel old; my skin has shriveled and my hair has grayed. My sight seems to have gotten hazy. The clock and the phone come in and out of focus with each passing tick of the second-hand; pulsing as if the universe itself was alive somehow and the clock was its heartbeat.

She still has not called. Perhaps she never will call me. Perhaps she will. I do not know these things. All I can do is wait.

——————————————————–

“It’s time for his evening medication” said the older nurse, looking at the old man by the telephone sadly.

“Was he always like this?” asked the younger one, curious as a girl her age would usually be.

“Yes.. it’s a sad story really…” replied the older, “he’s always spent every day like this, waiting for a call by the phone, staring at the clock.”

“Who’s supposed to call him?” asked the young one again.

The old lady sighed.

“His wife… She’s been dead for over twenty years… It’s their wedding anniversary today….”

——————————————————–

The pause is limitless between each second now. Moments are stringed together in an endless fluid stream that is made of time itself. Eons pass with effortless ease.

The phone begins to ring. With trembling hands I pick it up.

“Hey honey…” she speaks softly to me. “Are you coming to meet me today?”

I did not need to answer. She already knew.

——————————————————–

The retirement home was having a quiet evening. One of their oldest members had just passed away; he was found to be deceased when a young nursed approached him with  his evening medication. The young nurse came into the room just in time to see the old man slump forward gently, with his eyes closed and a smile of contentment on his wrinkled face.

She reported back to her older supervisor immediately; who noticed a slight tremor in the voice of the young girl. She was obviously disturbed at the death of this sad old gentleman.

But death is a natural part of life, and there was nothing to be disturbed about it.

However, a single ring of an dusty old telephone that had not been connected to a phone line in over fifty years, was.

On The Butterfly Effect And Creating Alternate Realities

It is often said that life is not a single event but a stream of continuous events. You can’t exactly define what a good life or a bad life is, in this context. One thing always leads to another or many more. It is like an explosion in a field of dominos that makes up the cosmos. The butterfly effect, as it may be called.

It is interesting to see how your choices, as an individual being, influences the order of these events. It does tend to give you a false sense of control, the more you observe the patterns of your life. It is possible to feel a hint of hubris, the more one delves into the subjects of intention, attraction, synchronicity and universal consciousness.

And then you wonder about your past choices. What if you had not taken a certain decision that changed your life and took a different decision? What would the world be like today? Would it be better or worse than what it is? Certainly it would be different to the world we are seeing now.

I admit that that I do this with my imagination at times. I am lucky to have been gifted with a wild and vivid imagination. Sometimes I use this gift to create a world which is a result of a decision in my past I “overwrite”. I would, for instance, go back in time mentally to where I decided I am going to work today and change that decision to not going to work. The resulting world is completely different to the world I am in today.

Remember, this is not the physical reality that you change, but rather the mental reality. If your imagination is as strong as mine, you have already mastered the ability to escape reality and dive into the insanity of your own mind-world.

Have fun with these thoughts. I hope my decision to put this article up on my blog as influenced you to explore this aspect of life, and in turn change the world around you, prompting others you know to change their worlds accordingly.

That is the butterfly effect.

ps: No I did not watch the movie yet. I would love to, though. I remembered that it existed as I typed in that last sentence. Donnie Darko was fun.