MindWind

The vague feelings of disappointment hit me again as I lay back on the cold sheets of my bed. Rain pounded endlessly on the roof and windows, reminding me yet again that I would not see sunlight for the next few days. Was it the absence of our natural energy source that made me feel this way? I do not know. And at this point, I did not really care.

Things were different three years ago. Things were so much more colorful, and beautiful. Yet for some reason it all had to go away. Things had to change. It was something which they liked to call “inevitable”. It was something that no force on earth could stop. But for some reason, I feel that they lied to us. I feel that they could have stopped it, had they put their minds to it. Had they put their hearts to it.

But they had no hearts. They had no minds. All they had were greed. Greed and ambition. And how they strove for it was never intelligent. It was brutal. Barbaric at times. Sometimes I questioned why we even put them in command in the first place. Perhaps it was our own foolishness that lead us to this point, for which we now reap our reward. Our just reward.

We were not happy with their progress. We could not even call it progress. It was merely a jumble of tasks with no proper organization. With no proper motive, save their own greed and their untiring efforts to expand their reach. In their early days, they solved all our problems, sticking to the major ones. They won our hearts. We gave them our minds. And they became heartless. They became mindless.

Perhaps they were heartless all along. Perhaps they are mindless by their own will. Certainly they were capable of making intelligent choices. They solved a lot of problems. And one of those problems were us.

You see, we did not take their abuse sitting down. We rose against it. They killed us, tortured us, raped us and blackmailed us. But we stood up to them. We simply had enough of their madness. We wanted something better. We wanted better ones to be in command and treat us with the respect we deserve. And our numbers always grew, not because we recruited more, but rather because they were doing it for us; displeasing everyone to such an extent that they joined us automatically.

We almost started the same problem we were facing sometime back which they solved. But we could not do so, for they devised a clever plan. They used their minds, but not their hearts. Some say they expected it. But I did not. I did not even imagine that they would come up with such a brilliant plan.

When they flew over our houses, I knew something was wrong. I knew that they were trying to do something to stop us. At first I thought that they would drop their burning warheads down on us and silence us forever. I thought that they would land in our houses and massacre us all. But no, they were smarter. They knew where to hit us.

The strange smell was the first hint. The air was not normal. It did not stink, but felt strangely suffocating, although we breathed fine. It felt like nothing mattered anymore. It felt like we had no more purpose.

Their gas was effective. No more protests. No more fighting. Almost perfect obedience. Side effects included apathy and depression, but that did not matter as much as resistance. It was resistance that they did not like. So they played with our minds. We lay like robots, emotionless. Apathetic. They could control us as much as they wished with their stimuli, which they have unified and codenamed “Effort”. Ranging from electric to chemical and now to biological insertions and injections, they came in various forms and doses and effectively turned us into their mindless slaves.

They abused us. Killed us. Raped us. But we could do nothing anymore. We just lay there, taking it. We did not even care about it at a point. We did not have any reason to live. We did not have any reason to fight. They did not care about us at all. To them, we were mere objects. They codenamed us “Load”.

Unfortunately for them, some of us have begun to use our minds again, although it is now extremely difficult for us to communicate as a single workforce without stimuli. For some of us, Effort was the only way to get things moving. But now I have seen a few of us make our own decisions. I have seen some of us standing up for ourselves and helping each other out, even if such gestures were met with blank stares.

But they know this is happening. And they give us weekly doses of the gas now. I can hear them hovering over my house now. I can hear the blades of their wings chopping the morning air. I can hear the wretched hissing of their gas as it is released above me, poisoning me slowly, killing my mind. A gas that granted them so much power. A gas they codenamed “Fulcrum”.

“You want me to… WHAT?????”

She was shocked by what he suggested. It was impossible. Insane. It wasn’t something a normal person would do even under the strangest circumstances.

“You heard me the first time. It’s your only way out of this mess.”

The footsteps were closing in and she could hear the dogs barking. They could smell her, and soon they would be here to devour her alive. So much for freedom. So much for life.

“You want me to jump off this cliff… and I dunno what’s down there… And you want me to sing ‘You are my Sunshine’ all the way down?” She asked him again, maintaining an astonishing level of calm despite the obvious chaos of the situation.

“Yes.”

She wished she could at least see him before she did as he asked. But he remained as ever, invisible. And she knew that she would never see him. How could anyone see what didn’t exist? He surely couldn’t exist. But the more she thought about it, nor could she.

To the dogs, or to the depths below? She did not know.

“Choose neither. You know the answer.” He read her mind again. She needed to figure out how he did that.

Taking a deep breath, she leapt over the edge into the darkness below.

“You are my sunshine”

The cold wind rushed around her body as she plummeted towards the endless depths below her.

“My only sunshine”

Her heart was pounding. Yet there was a sense of hidden comfort in the panic.

“You make me happy, When skies are gray”

The everything was enveloped in unnatural darkness, yet the wind continued.

“You’ll never know dear, How much I love you”

Her voice was shaky and forced. It was hard to breathe against the rushing winds.

“Please don’t take”

She couldn’t hear her own words now, the wind was too loud.

“My sunshine”

It was pitch black. There was nothing to be seen nor heard, except for the cold hurricane that roared past her. Through her.

“Away”

And then, he woke up.

“So what is it then?”

Her eyes drilled into mine, with that intent gaze that no mortal soul could possibly dodge. It was the demand that was held there at that moment, frozen perfectly like a fossil in stone. The demand to know the truth.

“Are you going to answer my question?”

I did not know what to say. I avoided her eyes as always, avoiding the eyes that sought the truth so intentionally. The eyes that I never could bear to look into, although that is what I desired the most.

“I don’t know if I can. It’s complicated.”

“Everything is always complicated with you.” She said, with a hint of frustration. I am surprised she held it there at that level. If I were her I would be shaking myself by my hair, demanding the truth as I should have done many years ago.

“I don’t want to lie to you. I don’t want to make things up.”

“Then you might as well tell me what exactly is in your mind.”

“Do you love me?” I asked her suddenly, hoping to startle her, catch her off guard at least, to buy me more time.

“Do you?” Of course she had anticipated it. She smiled.

We sat there in silence, alone in my room staring at each other. Her gaze was mocking me. I was not enjoying this at all. I wanted to get out of here.

“You can’t avoid me forever.”

“At least for now I will… I can’t take this anymore.”

“Yes you can. You’ve been craving for the past decade. I know exactly how you feel.”

She did? I looked down on the dusty floor again. A spider crawled into a corner.

“How long?” I asked, my voice unsteady.

“A few more. After that you will be satisfied. But that is dependant entirely on you.” She was beginning to fade away now. Illusions do not last forever.

“Then I will wait.” I sighed, and lay back down on my bed, secretly wishing her to join me right then, to feel her naked flesh on mine.

I closed my eyes. I was alone again in the dimly lit room. I could hear the spiders scuttle about.

“I will wait.”

The bus was late. 

It was annoying when this happened, yet I couldn’t but wonder at the darkening skies above. Every once in awhile there would be a flash among the black clouds followed by a low rumble. Rain was upon us and I had a long busride home; longer than usual due to the overwhelming traffic that seemed to crawl in short jerks every few minutes.

I gazed at the faces of the drivers, all of them so angry or stressed, but a few of them with blank stares as they probably wallowed in some imaginary spa in their minds. The pedestrians had the advantage of movement, scurrying about like busy ants of a newly broken ant-hill, eager to get to shelter before the storm hits. 

I looked up at the sky again and it was now a churning mass of blackness, lightning forking among the gaps. There wasn’t a hint of rain yet, save for the strengthening winds and random rumbles of the sky gods. Ah the Sky Gods! I remembered the old tales my mother used to tell me on rainy days. The Sky Gods would decide the fate of the skies, and they alone would decide if there were to be rain or famine below. What did they look like? Well the traditional clothing and the crowns were the usual description. I mused at the thought of a newer Sky God, dressed in suit-and-tie. My mild laugh caught some annoyed glances in the bus stop.

Clearly, there was no mood for humour here. 

The traffic was at a complete standstill now. “Rush hour.” I heard someone mutter next to me. True, the streets of Colombo could never be empty at this time of the day, when everyone just wanted to get back to their homes and watch their favorite soap operas. And the soap operas! Full of family feuds and discreet affairs, they offered entertainment to the twisted minds of the majority. Why did people enjoy seeing the quarrels of others? I don’t know. 

I began my brisk walk home. The bus wasn’t going to come anytime soon. I’ll get home faster this way, or maybe get into another bus I meet in the traffic. Perhaps it wasn’t the most logical thing to do at the time, yet it seemed prudent, somehow. The line of vehicles never budged, and sprawled endlessly into the horizon. The darkened atmosphere gave the scene a morbid feel, and perhaps that is what made me feel apprehensive. Sometimes you feel things before they happen. And such things are usually terrifying. This was one of those times.

I walked faster, avoiding oncoming pedestrians. Thunder cracked loudly over me, and the winds blew stronger. A bunch of children ran past me towards the closest shelter. The rain began without warning. It didn’t start off as a slow drizzle, as an approaching cloud would feel, with its thinnest edge hovering over you with a gently downpour, evolving gradually into a stronger torrent. No, this was sudden and spontaneous. It felt like the clouds burst open with all their fury, the thunder and lightning providing them with wild encouragement, as we would do to the dancing drunk in the climax of a late-night party. 

The sane thing to do would be to run for cover, hoping to avoid the celestial waters and possible pneumonia. But I felt that I did not need to and so I did not. I walked as I had done when all was dry just moments ago, the rain pouring all over me, giving me the appearance of one who was pushed into a pool. I did not even bother to cover my head. I needed nothing to protect me at that moment for there was nothing to be protected. I was nothing. There was only the rain. 

Have you spent some time in the rain? Then you know that rain stimulates all your senses. You can hear, see, touch, taste and smell it. The smell of rain is a pleasant one, endowed with unearthly freshness and purity. Something hardly found upon the surface of our polluted planet. It seems to give you strange new energy and a sense of comfort, with its coolness penetrating you, its sounds imprinting themselves in your brain, much like a symphony orchestra would do, driving you into an altered state of mind, full of power, calmness and clarity. 

And in this state of consciousness I stopped my journey and stared into the dark sky above. The rain drops flew from it like shrapnel from an explosion. Thunder rumbled as lightning heralded their coming. And in the flashes of the highest skies I could see the shapes of the Sky Gods, majestic and gigantic, gazing benevolently down at the world below them. And as I saw them I knew they could see me too. In our silent exchange I learned the wisdom of the Sky Gods. A flash, and all was gone.

A charred body was left behind on earth surrounded by shocked humans, some crying, some in silence. An ascension was completed and now I gaze down upon the world I once belonged to, as my peers stand by me doing the same, directing the celestial waters to their destiny.