MindWind

I’ve sinned. A lot.

Not talking in a biblical sense really. But I’ve not been treating myself well. Those of you who know me know that I’ve been working very hard on a lot of things. This meant that I didn’t really take care of myself for the past couple of weeks… which is probably why I got so sick. It was a tough case of Viral flue, bordering on the likes of dengue. I grew very weak throughout the last week and just got out of the whole circus of sickness. Although my blood-counts are back to normal, I still have to rest more than usual to come back to my fully operational state.

My daily routine has not been the most intelligent. I woke up too late, worked until late and slept even later. I wasn’t even paying attention to my body properly, even though I did meditate to clear my head. Evidently clearing the head isn’t enough. One needs to attend to the body and to look after it in order for it to be healthy. Why do I keep missing the fundamentals? I don’t know. It’s only human to forget these things I guess.

Most of my muscles have become weak since I’ve not done any sort of exercise for the past three months. My body has decayed into a shapeless blob in most places and my muscles twist and sprain easily. This is just too much to bear. It is an obvious sign that I must seek balance between working life and physical fitness.

So begins another bout of rigorous training to build my body back to something stronger. I need a strong mind and a strong body if I am to do what I am supposed to do daily. Or I’ll just get sick again. I’m tired of dragging a half-functional husk around with me, aching and groaning as bits and pieces fail to function. I don’t want to grow old before my time.

So where do I start? I just recovered from a severe bout of fever and the good doctor advised me not to lift weights at least for about two weeks. So I suppose this week would consist of stretching and light calisthenics, to get my major muscle groups working properly and back in shape. A bit of Yoga and what little of Tai Chi I know should also help. I have also resumed eating smart, paying attention to my body. Something I’ve not been doing enough.

So this short ramble then, is dedicated to yet another new chapter in my life. Back on the road baby! YEAH!

There is nothing in my head when I write this save for the usual whirlwind of thoughts that form random patterns through the chaos so that you may see what you may call intelligence. I don’t really care what I am about to type in the next few sentences. Consider this letting off steam since I am so overworked these days and pressure is a new concept to me. I will not lie to you, I am a slacker. I don’t work. I don’t like work. Hard work is a taboo for me, much to my mothers’ displeasure. But I’m being honest. I could always pretend to say “laadidaadidaaa… I love working hard!” but I won’t. Sometimes I do love working hard, but it gets a little old after awhile. However, the nature of my current employment allows me to tackle a wide variety of problems that have to be solved logically, even if it means diving into the deep end of the class-heirarchy. If you don’t know what classes I’m talking about, please refer to object oriented programming.

So I was just chilling out yesterday, when I realised that I wasn’t really chilling out, but listening to music. I spent two hours watching Deus Ex Machina on youtube while I should have been sleeping. Yes I needed my sleep. But my desire kept me awake. Now I feel like excrement.

So then I asked myself “omgs prageeth wtf lol?” and then firmly told myself that I should fight these desires to stay up and resume my sleep schedule. I need my sleep. I go crazy without my sleep. And I also need at least one hour per day totally devoted to me, where I freely muse over things without any distraction. This is how I relax. This is how I relieve my stress. But do I get it? NOOOoooo. I could just blame the world outside and say “omfgs this world sux0rz lolololololololol” and place further blame on my hectic work schedule… but I realised that I am to blame. I have free time, it’s just that I don’t spend it properly. I also realised that I should prioritize what I do during this free time, since sanity is more important than entertainment. Alas, I have also discovered Ghost In the Shell on youtube… something that seduces me to stay up at night (youtube streams faster at night). Again of course, it is my problem to deal with these things.

Why am I putting this up? I thought it would be nice for everyone since some of you have been wondering how I am, what I have been doing and what I am up to etc etc etc. So putting this little ramble up is a good thing, believe it or not.

I have been questioning myself lately, to know who I am and what I like. The answers are inconclusive as I seem to like different things at different times. I also do not seem to have a static personality that I can call “ME”. Can I call the bad-mood-guy, me? Or shall I call the hyper-guy, me? Or is it the thinking-guy? I do not know. The quest for identity goes on. I accept that everyone is diverse. But I noticed that most people I see have static personalities. But the deeper I get to know them, the more dynamic they are. This supports the theory of change. So can we conclude that static people do not exist?

Then there are the cheeseburgers. I like cheeseburgers from McDonalds. I know it is not healthy and it will kill me eventually. But I like it. Sometimes (especially late at night or early in the morning) I crave cheeseburgers. ICH WILL!! ICH WILL!!! And I admit that somedays, I rush over to Mc D’s late at night to get a cheeseburger. Does one deny himself his cravings? Why should I? I’m not a monk.

I’ve not had lunch with anyone at office for a very long time, hence have not “bonded” with most of the crowd. This is because I get lunch at home, which is a short walk from office. Perhaps I shall become a social outcast again? Is this my fate? :O

And then there are people who annoy me. A lot of people have been annoying me over MSN, Google and Facebook. Especially facebook. I have told this before and I shall tell this again: I absolutely detest facebook chat. It’s annoying, incoherent, unstable, ugly and just plain gay. Really. (I do not wish to offend any of you who may be homosexual, but “gay” is a term that is synonymous with “boring/hopeless” in my day-to-day use).

Life however, is not boring. It’s just that it gets a little frustrating at times when I don’t have enough quality time to spend on myself, doing the things I used to do before I started working. I do play counterstrike at times. But nothing relaxes me more than a good hour of meditation. Ah that is so awesome. Just thinking about it makes me feel happier.

Thing about approaching the ultimate truth is, you never look at things the same way after you’ve seen it. Everything appears in a different light as your paradigm shifts. The things that you thought are important don’t seem to be important. What you hated doesn’t seem to be hateworthy. Where you’re going may not be where you’re really going. It is a strange yet simple thing, the truth.

I shall stop now, before everyone collectively brands me as insane.

Thank you for reading.