Sunny Days

Sunny days should never fade away

Sunny days should be here to stay

Sunny days gone, become gray

Sunny days, for us to play

It’s so sunny today don’t you think! Just felt like singing. Sorry I interrupted you two, I just felt so happy! It’s not often we have such sunny days you know.

This is why I went to Dad’s cupboard and took out his shiny gun. Don’t you like it? It looks so shiny as it glistens in the afternoon sun!

Of course it is loaded. Why else would I hold it like this, pointed at you, standing steady like Dad taught me last year at the shooting range?

Why are you so surprised? Did you really not understand that what you are doing now is hurting Dad’s feelings?

Did you think that because I ‘m just a kid I would not know what infidelity is?

You see, while you told me all those stories about how I should stay in my room while He visits you, telling me that it is a secret game of yours, I did my own research.

Shut up, you son of a bitch! I am talking to my Mom! Stand back or I will blow your fucking head off!!!

Sorry Mom. But you can’t really tell me off for cussing today because hey I hear you do it so many times. Plus, I have a gun in my hands. Haha!

Oh really? I can’t do it? I’m just a kid?

Well, He asked for it. Sorry Mom, he shouldn’t have lunged at me like that. It doesn’t take a genius to pull the trigger.

Don’t cry Mom. I’m helping you. I’m going to bring you and Dad together again. We are gonna be one big happy family!

And don’t worry about the mess. I will help you clean up. It’s just blood. Oh look is that stuff from His brain? Cool!

Do you think we could go to the park after this Mom? It’s such a sunny day today! We should go get some ice cream. Oh stop crying now. Here I will sing for you Mom.

Sunny days should never fade away…

 

"Guns don't kill people Mom."

Gone

She is gone

What is there now is not her

She has died

Her love has become cold

 

He is gone

What is there now is not him

He has died

His love has become anger

 

Beauty is gone

What is there now is emptiness

Beauty is putrid

Never meant to be forever

 

Life is gone

What is there now is a joke

Life is death

It has been this way all along

So Blissful

The softest breeze

Blowing through the trees

Onto my body, cooling me

So blissful

The afternoon light

Almost crimson, almost amber

Making my world glow

So blissful

Living here

Free from the past

Free from the future

So blissful

Convince me

Convince me what I am doing is wrong

For as far as I can see it is right

Although I know I violate you

I must know darkness to fully know light, so

Convince me if you can

So that my actions may cease

But until you do I will walk this path

Perhaps back to the light which you showed me

Convince me if you think I am wrong

For I am disappointed in you and me

I wish I took this path before

I would have known more and worried less

Convince me, I ask of you

I just want to see you try

So that I may defy you

And make you cry

This is my half

So this is my half. You can write yours. Enjoy!

————————————-

Hey how are you doing?

Yeah it’s been a long time huh! Wow you look great!

Really? I’m glad you did that.

Of course not. But it’s always nice to improve.

I didn’t mean it that way.

Nevermind.

Not really I haven’t seen them for a very long time.

When was that?

Are you sure?

No way! What happened to the others?

Oh that’s kinda sad huh.

Yeah I bought one for myself. Didn’t you have one a long time ago?

That’s true though!

Possibly. But I can’t really say. I have some ideas though.

Yeah let’s see how it goes. Anyway it’s kinda late, so I gotta get going. Let’s meet up later?

Okay see ya!

Sandcastles

We’re all building Sandcastles

In the beach of the Sea of Life

Some may be prettier than yours

Some may be bigger

Some may have more turrets and walls

Some may be simpler and smaller

Some may be circular

Some may have sharp corners

Some may be stronger

Some may be weaker

But from time to time

There will always be waves

That will bring it all down

And all you have left

Is a pile damp sand

To make a new Sandcastle

Portals

I used to have a big crush on this guy, but he had always been a bit of an asshole so I never actually dated him. But that was back in high school.

He now sat opposite to me, in the crowded cafe and sipped slowly on his coffee. His face should have been younger according to the age he was supposed to be. But it was not so. It was somehow older, more worn and faded than it should have been.

“Tell me,” he said softly, while staring at his coffee “what do you know about portals?”

He looked into my eyes with a piercing stare that I had not anticipated.

“You mean, like… doorways to another dimension?” was my awkward answer.

He held his gaze and did not smile. It was nigh impossible to comprehend his emotions at this point; all I could tell was that he was keen to know my opinions.

“Doors, windows, gates..” he spoke, with the same unfathomable stare “Call them what you like. What do you think about it?”

I gulped involentarily. This was supposed to be a friendly meet up after a very long period of little or no interaction between us. Yet, I felt like I was being interrogated.

“I… I guess it’s possible… I mean they’re talking about wormholes and stuff right? How they can maybe go from a place to place through those things? Teleporting and stuff right?”

He didn’t speak for sometime; but he slowly leaned back on his chair and turned his eyes towards his cooling coffee. The silence persisted for a longer time than I could bear.

“You’re seeing me after three years and you’re asking me about portals?”

He laughed softly and took another sip of his coffee.

“You dumb bitch.” he said dismissively “You have no idea do you?”

I was too confused to be offended.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” my voice was shaky. Guilt?

“You were always such a stupid cunt you know…. but I don’t blame you. You’re too preoccupied with your bullshit ideologies and celebrity gossip to give a fuck.” Did he sound affectionate?

“You’re confusing me! Just like you did in highschool! Seriously if you weren’t such an asshole I would have even dated you…”

I should have told him that six years ago; it would have mattered then. Now, he just laughed at me.

“You always were a stupid little bitch. But you’ve got a nice rack I’ll tell you that.” he winked.

Now he was starting to piss me off.

“Look, I don’t know if this is your way of picking up women, but seriously what the fuck?? I thought we’re still friends!”

“I thought you aren’t friends with assholes.” he smirked. What a cocky bastard.

“I said don’t date assholes… Honestly now I’m questioning our fucking friendship!” I’m certain people in the cafe were staring at me now.

“Anyway, let’s back to the main topic for today: Portals.”

That was it.

“Fuck you!” I screamed. The people in the cafe were watching me now. I could feel them staring at me and I knew they all had their mouths open. “Fuck you and your fucking portals!!!”

I got up, grabbed my handbag and headed straight at the door. He was laughing at me now. His laughter was not the laughter I knew from his younger days. This was a more menacing, hideous and insane laughter of that teenaged boy I once knew and had a crush on.

As I walked out the door of the cafe, his laughter faded away, and so did the rest of the sounds. My anger was enveloping me like fire.

And then I realized that I was not where I was a second ago. The landscape had changed again. The buildings had faded away and were replaced by a small group of cottages surrounded by flowers and wild plants. Little children played in the countryside.

There was a small park bench upon which I spotted an old friend of mine. He was a guy I knew from high school, who I used to have a crush on. I don’t think I’ve seen him in over three years. It was odd that he looked a bit older than he should be. I think I could even see a gray hair or two on his head. He looked right at me and I knew he recognized me right away; yet it was hard to say that too, because he expression was nearly unreadable. But I am sure he recognized me.

So, I went over to him , smiled and said hello. He gave me a pretentious smirk.

He had always been a bit of an asshole.

Waiting for her call

Three thirty in the afternoon. She still had not called.

I was waiting since morning, possibly since the time I was fully awake on my bed for her call. Perhaps it was foolish for me to assume that she will call me, but nevertheless I waited. You could say that I did not even have my breakfast nor lunch. Those two did not seem to be as important as her call.

Seconds tick by. The noisy clock on my wall announces each of them as they pass away. How many moments does a second contain? I ponder at this.

Each second feels like a thousand moments. Perhaps even longer if I really focused. The second-hand ticked slower and slower.

She still has not called me. I look at my telephone in anticipation as I had done innumerable times today.

Perhaps she has forgotten me; or the significance of this day. Or was this some sort of a revenge stunt, based on something I did a long time ago? Surely whatever I did was unintentional. I took great pains to avoid upsetting her back then.

Perhaps she has truly forgotten. I guess I never really mattered to her in the first place.

Or maybe she is ignoring me on purpose, to show that she has forgotten only because she has not. Perhaps she cannot forget and is trying to do so, while trying to show me that this does not matter to her, just to appear strong? In this case, I suppose she does care somewhere deep down inside herself.

The seconds tick by, but they sound like thumping elephants. The second-hand ticks slower and slower. Years seem to pass between those ticks. I feel old; my skin has shriveled and my hair has grayed. My sight seems to have gotten hazy. The clock and the phone come in and out of focus with each passing tick of the second-hand; pulsing as if the universe itself was alive somehow and the clock was its heartbeat.

She still has not called. Perhaps she never will call me. Perhaps she will. I do not know these things. All I can do is wait.

——————————————————–

“It’s time for his evening medication” said the older nurse, looking at the old man by the telephone sadly.

“Was he always like this?” asked the younger one, curious as a girl her age would usually be.

“Yes.. it’s a sad story really…” replied the older, “he’s always spent every day like this, waiting for a call by the phone, staring at the clock.”

“Who’s supposed to call him?” asked the young one again.

The old lady sighed.

“His wife… She’s been dead for over twenty years… It’s their wedding anniversary today….”

——————————————————–

The pause is limitless between each second now. Moments are stringed together in an endless fluid stream that is made of time itself. Eons pass with effortless ease.

The phone begins to ring. With trembling hands I pick it up.

“Hey honey…” she speaks softly to me. “Are you coming to meet me today?”

I did not need to answer. She already knew.

——————————————————–

The retirement home was having a quiet evening. One of their oldest members had just passed away; he was found to be deceased when a young nursed approached him with  his evening medication. The young nurse came into the room just in time to see the old man slump forward gently, with his eyes closed and a smile of contentment on his wrinkled face.

She reported back to her older supervisor immediately; who noticed a slight tremor in the voice of the young girl. She was obviously disturbed at the death of this sad old gentleman.

But death is a natural part of life, and there was nothing to be disturbed about it.

However, a single ring of an dusty old telephone that had not been connected to a phone line in over fifty years, was.

On The Butterfly Effect And Creating Alternate Realities

It is often said that life is not a single event but a stream of continuous events. You can’t exactly define what a good life or a bad life is, in this context. One thing always leads to another or many more. It is like an explosion in a field of dominos that makes up the cosmos. The butterfly effect, as it may be called.

It is interesting to see how your choices, as an individual being, influences the order of these events. It does tend to give you a false sense of control, the more you observe the patterns of your life. It is possible to feel a hint of hubris, the more one delves into the subjects of intention, attraction, synchronicity and universal consciousness.

And then you wonder about your past choices. What if you had not taken a certain decision that changed your life and took a different decision? What would the world be like today? Would it be better or worse than what it is? Certainly it would be different to the world we are seeing now.

I admit that that I do this with my imagination at times. I am lucky to have been gifted with a wild and vivid imagination. Sometimes I use this gift to create a world which is a result of a decision in my past I “overwrite”. I would, for instance, go back in time mentally to where I decided I am going to work today and change that decision to not going to work. The resulting world is completely different to the world I am in today.

Remember, this is not the physical reality that you change, but rather the mental reality. If your imagination is as strong as mine, you have already mastered the ability to escape reality and dive into the insanity of your own mind-world.

Have fun with these thoughts. I hope my decision to put this article up on my blog as influenced you to explore this aspect of life, and in turn change the world around you, prompting others you know to change their worlds accordingly.

That is the butterfly effect.

ps: No I did not watch the movie yet. I would love to, though. I remembered that it existed as I typed in that last sentence. Donnie Darko was fun.

Why we broke up and how I am going to fix everything.

Dear ***,

I think what is driving me to write this to you is a mix of remorse and also relief.

I know, it is a strange mix of feelings; but I hope that this will help you understand

the story behind the difficult choice we had to make.

Do you remember the first time I met you? I was so nervous, I could hardly speak.

You on the other hand didn’t seem very interested. All our friends thought it was cute

that I was so shy, since it is I who am usually the talker amongst us.

I suppose they thought that I was silent because I was so overwhelmed by your presence.

But that was only half true, as the presence I was overwhelmed by was not yours.

It was difficult every other time we met. I remember you telling me later that I kept

looking down so many times when you asked me something and answering back in a quiet voice.

While I do agree that you are amazingly beautiful, the truth is that I could not bare to

look up at your face, and inevitably see what lurked behind you.

I am surprised you never saw it. It was especially visible on the day I painstakingly asked

you out for a date and even on our first date itself. I remember you asking me why I was so

shy about it and me mumbling something back at you.

Do you even know what I am talking about?

It was so strongly present on the day we first kissed, I kept my eyes closed tight. I could

barely focus on what was happening at the time, but I was so aware of the thing behind you.

Yes, it was right there whenever we met throughout the year, whenever I took you out for

dinner or to the park. It was even there when I stayed over at your place all those times.

Never did it make any sound or touch anything around it, yet it hovered eternally behind you,

blank and expressionless. I guess now you know why I seemed so distracted all the time.

Eventually you got sick of me for being so distracted I guess, and for that I will never blame you.

But I still didn’t understand how you never saw it, especially on the day we painfully broke up.

Through my silent tears I could see it behind your sobbing form.

How I wish I could have told you everything back then; but you would have never understood.

How could you? You never saw it for yourself.

The truth is that I cannot live without you, I miss you so much. Yet I cannot be with you,

because I am too afraid. I loved every part of you, except for that featureless form floating

soundlessly behind you. I wish you could see it as clearly as I could. Maybe then you would understand.

I did some thinking about the whole thing and finally I made a decision. I will kill this

thing so that we can finally be together. You should see my new silver knife, it is absolutely

beautiful. Anyway, I have to do this while you are not looking at me, and that would be a tough

thing to do. So I hatched a plan.

I made some spare keys of your house while I was there. It was necessary you see. I should also

admit that I know your schedule very well, especially the times in which you read your email.

I know you can’t hear anything since you always listen to music while you read your email.

I always told you it wasn’t safe.

Well what I am trying to tell you is that, while you were reading this email, I have already

let myself in. Just keep reading and listening to your music.

And please don’t look behind you just yet.

Love,

***